Overpopulated

Henri Bonaventure Monnier: Delightful Experience of a Family in a Crowded Restaurant

I have a thing about public places (socially awkward doesn't even cover it... now lets add food to the equation because if I can't speak in public perhaps I can shovel food in my mouth AND maintain stimulating conversation... right.)... But if I have learned anything, public places (at least some of the time) are unavoidable.
There is this restaurant that has amazing food BUT (*hangs head and heaves a heavy sigh)... You know how you your family decides to eat out because you know, who wants meat loaf again?! Not I said the cat (btw I don't actually eat meat loaf). And as I uncurl from that fetal position in the backseat, and exit the car slowly, ever so slowly and approach the the restaurant, attempting (fail) to forget that I am about to enter a room filled with random people coughing (mouth not covered with elbow), shoes off feet (because she really thinks she is at home), baby shrieking (as one parent utterly ignores it and the other looks painfully embarrassed), and that ladies lunch with toddlers running amuck (because this is your house and those little clones don't really need any home training; WHY do you delight in raising Bad Ass Kids (BAK)?!), the place is so loud I have to shout in order for the person across from me to be able to hear (I am so not a shouter and end up whispering instead and glancing about nervously, which undoubtedly irritates my table mates), and seriously could that call not wait sir (I do not need to know that you are so tired of ballin')... are we having fun yet?! Well here I am attempting to choke down my food in said madhouse, thinking "I am not high enough for this shit," when someone bumps my chair and I really start chocking. Oh gawd please stop touching me (because now you are ensuring that the food will never be dislodged from my throat, and hey, did you wash your hands before exiting the restroom)! I hate eating out... meals are meant to be relaxing... pleasurable even, NOT circus like... OMG! Why is your toddler (see BAK) staring at me! No this isn't cute, no he doesn't like me.. EWW, HE IS PICKING HIS NOSE! I'm not hungry anymore. Eek, me saying I am not hungry does not mean you stick your hands in my plate! I am starving and totally disgusted and yes, I don't mind eating Chipotle for the 5th time this week (to go please)! Delightful experience my ass!

Photo Credit here.